Dear Diary (Mother)

I start this blog tentatively, afraid that someone will know who I am. It's the first I have posted online about how I feel about my mother and I can't deny being scared, afraid and insecure. These blogs help me tremendously and I can only hope that venting some frustration will help.

From the time of my birth in Mid December, just before the great blizzard of '82, I have never felt like I had a mother. She never did anything horrible directly to me and she never punished me herself. She had her various boyfriends for that. I never trusted her and certainly don't now.



As of this writing, she has helped take away the most precious things I have ever had. My children. Teaming up with my half-sister, she managed to hurt me in ways no one else has managed and as a result, I no longer speak to her. It hurt for many years. Not having a family except my adopted brother and his wife, who I don't see that often anymore anyway. All I had was my DF's family and we don't really get along as I come with a lot of baggage. I guess I understand that.

I have a father now, and I'm excited about us building, or should I say rebuilding our relationship. But Mother-I don't know if I will ever want her around me again. And that is a hard truth to swallow.

I end this blog, hoping that I will feel better the rest of the day and be able to work on some artwork displaying how I feel. I don't need to fall into a funk and have it effect my day, or my week for that matter. So this is the end. I need to pray for guidance now.